Facing Fears One Step at a Time

QOTW

"Change is never painful, only the resistance to change is painful."
– Buddha

It’s not lost on me the symbolism of my upcoming walk across America. It's been a clear lesson that big change is a result of small, intentional steps each day.

As I think about taking the first steps, I know I won’t be the same person when I finish. And it’s asking me to surrender more than I ever have before.

I’m excited by that idea and that’s become my promise to myself. I refuse to stay the same person during this walk. I have layers that absolutely have to be shed. Layers that have been begging me to shed them for a long time.

I don’t think the physical walking is going to be the hardest part of the journey. I think it will be the continued effort to be raw and vulnerable with myself and with you guys. To commit to becoming a man who speaks his truth and doesn’t hide behind fear of what other people will think. Who accepts and steps into a leadership role in his community.

I’ve been scared of sharing more of my voice and the lessons I’ve learned for fear of ridicule or disagreement. As if those things would invalidate who I am and what I’ve learned to be true for me. But staying small is a selfish reaction from fear—not a virtue I choose to live by.

I had a swell of emotions come up yesterday as I pictured myself taking the first few steps and had the thought “Here we go, no looking back now” come to mind. I’m raising money for mental health causes, but the walk is really a representation of my internal journey. A changing of the guards if you will. Symbolizing a change in chapters. Choosing to put myself in the middle of a massive challenge testing my need for control, fear of what others think, and tendencies to be a lone wolf. To push myself to let go, be free of worry from judgment, and ask for support.

But it wouldn’t be as powerful if I was doing it for only myself. So the walk isn’t just about me—it’s about men’s mental health and the stigma that keeps so many of us silent.

It’s about showing what’s possible when we commit to something bigger than ourselves. When we put ourselves out there and ask for help.  I’ve found strength in places that I didn’t know I had. Places I haven’t seen before within me. Places that bring so much strength that my fears feel like nothing.

To be a little vulnerable with you guys, this is going to radically change my whole life. Professionally, socially, personally, financially, spiritually… in ways that I can’t imagine. I have no proof of that other than a strong gut feeling—which I’ve learned to not ignore over the past few years.

It’s motivating and encouraging, but I have to keep focusing on what’s in front of me right now. The steps I’m taking today (ah, what a nice reminder).

Here’s a practice I’m doing that I want to invite you to try:

Write out a eulogy for your old self.

Celebrate the person you’ve been, but also acknowledge the habits, fears, or mindsets that no longer serve you. End the letter with “I honor everything you’ve taught me, but it’s time to step into who I’m meant to be. I’ve got it from here.”

Then read it aloud and burn it, creating a moment of release and transformation.

Why this works:

Anytime we want to create change in our lives or step into a new chapter that requires a new version of us, the old part of us wants to hang on. While shedding our former shell is needed for growing into our higher self, it’s scary to our ego. Our ego likes things to be comfortable and predictable. It doesn’t quite want to let you go into the world of the unknown. This is OK and totally natural.

Going through an intentional process like the eulogy is a great way to declare a clear point of change. You’ll notice some hesitation around it, maybe some fear of writing it down or burning the paper.

But those are signs that you NEED this more than you realize. That shows you’re being kept small by a shell that's ready to shed.

Shedding and expansion aren’t easy processes, but our species is designed for challenge. Our ego may crave convenience and comfort, but that’s not what makes us feel our best. We need challenge and we need an avenue to self-sacrifice in service of others.

If you’re feeling stuck or searching for meaning, ask yourself two things:

• Am I challenging myself in ways that feel meaningful?
• Am I focused on serving others?

Challenge yourself and serve others

Time to let go of the old you.